Summer is almost here. The sun will be shining, the weather will be warm and school will be out. All that can mean only one thing, it will soon be time to head indoors and watch blockbuster movies in air conditioned theaters. Summer is when the studios bring out the big guns and try to earn most of their cash. Last year summer’s films raked in $4.05 billion, not bad for a few months work. And soon we’ll see it all again when summer starts at the beginning of May with the release of Thor. (Summer doesn’t start May 6 on your calendar? You need to get a Hollywood executive calendar... and a haircut wouldn’t hurt either.)

Here are a few highly anticipated releases coming next season:

Thor (May 6)
I used to read comics growing up (with the belief that it would help me meet girls) and Thor never really appealed to me. What was with the long hair and cape? Did he really need both? But Marvel in their attempt to make a film about every comic book character has produced a Thor film. It doesn’t look bad, but it doesn’t look great. The one thing the film has going for it is its release date. By the beginning of May filmgoers are so starved for big budget spectacles that they’ll run out and see anything if they think it’s the beginning of summer movie season (i.e. Van Helsing, X-Men Origins: Wolverine).

Bridesmaids (May 13)
The first romantic comedy of the summer season. Usually I would leave this off the list but I’ve included it for one single reason, I saw the trailer and did not laugh once. Not only did I not laugh but I didn’t smirk, giggle, smile or even accidentally fart. The trailer is supposed to have the best parts of the film arranged in a duplicitous order to get us into the theater so that when we leave the movie we say “Wow, the trailer was so funny but that was awful.” So what does it say about the film when the trailer doesn’t have one funny scene? It tells me to stay home and turn on the sprinkler.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (May 20)
I thoroughly enjoyed the first Pirates movie. I thoroughly was confused with the second and third movies. I think that was because they plotted out the story over two movies. Also I might be dumb. This one looks like a return to the first. Who doesn’t love Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow? And the idea that they’re looking for the Fountain of Youth is inspired.

The Hangover 2 (May 27)
I can guarantee now that this will not be as funny as the first Hangover for two reasons. The first one came out of nowhere and no one was expecting a huge summer hit about three guys in Vegas. The other reason is that Zach Galifianakis made the first film hysterical, but since then we’ve seen him playing the same character in other places like Due Date. But this sequel should have some pretty raunchy laughs.

X-Men: First Class (June 3), Green Lantern (June 17), Captain America: The First Avenger (July 22)
I know there’s some fanboy somewhere living in his mother’s basement who is cursing me out right now for lumping these three movies together, but let’s be honest, none of these will be on the level of Chris Nolan’s The Dark Knight. First Class looks ok, Green Lantern looks a little silly and the Captain America costume looks like bad Underoos. Comic book movies need to create a look and feel not just dress up a character. They should be stylized to fit the comic book world. From what I’ve seen in trailers none of these do that.

Super 8 (June 10)
This could be the film of the summer. It looks like a cooler version of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and with J.J. Abrams directing and Steven Spielberg producing, it sounds like a hit before the cameras even rolled. Kyle Chandler stars, and if you haven’t been watching Friday Night Lights, you’ve missed some of the best acting on TV in years. Super 8 looks like it will enjoy itself as its story unspools at a deliberate pace instead of hitting you over the head with an overdose of effects and bad scripting, which brings us to…

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (July 1)
Do I really need to see more of this? I still haven’t gotten over the headache from Revenge of the Fallen.

Friends with Benefits (July 22)  
Didn’t I see this when it was called No Strings Attached?

Cowboys and Aliens (July 29)
I love the title of this film. It says so much about what to expect and yet tells you nothing about what the film is. Mixing two genres like this could be dangerous but in the capable hands of Jon Favreau I think this will turn out to be entertaining and interesting. I also always enjoy watching Daniel Craig, he was great in Layer Cake and he might be my favorite James Bond ever (after Sean Connery, duh.)

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