EPISODE 3

Aside from the salmon and champagne, what is the main difference between the Academy Awards and the Golden Globes? There are no songs performed at the Globes which makes it seem like a more fun show.

It started back at the seventh Academy Awards ceremony, and ever since then they have awarded an Oscar for Best Song. Just because they give out a naked man on a reel of film to a song from a film doesn’t mean we need to see a performance of that song. I understand that the producers are trying to create a “show” but for some reason that seems to include singing and dancing. The truth is people are tuning in to see movie stars, watch the host, and see if the films they loved win any awards (which explains why the ratings are higher when blockbusters get nominated). Songs are an afterthought, especially when those songs are from smaller pictures that the viewers have not seen. Congratulations “Falling Slowly”, now maybe someone will see Once.

The song performances seem more out of place than Twiggy at a fat camp. When you have rock stars like Bruce Springsteen and Sting playing their songs for celebrities wearing black tie outfits and more jewelry than Liberace was buried with, it’s not worth watching.

In years past they used to have other performers sing an artist’s song. There is the famous 1985 story when Ann Reinking butchered “Against All Odds” while Phil Collins sat in the audience wondering where he his earplugs were, and Peter Gabriel famously turned down the offer to sing “Down to Earth” from Wall-E after producers told him they would only give him 65 seconds. If I have to hear songs at the Oscars, why do I want to hear someone else sing it other than the original performer? (Although I will admit that seeing Robin Williams belt out “Blame Canada” in 2000 was a stroke of genius on the producers’ part.)

So what is the solution? Simply mention the nominees like any other category and hand out the award. Why should songwriters have 4 minutes to show off their work from the past year but A-list celebrities only get 45 seconds to discuss theirs when they win for Best Actor or Actress? Remember, viewers want to see stars not Randy Newman every year there’s a Disney release.

This is not to say that I don’t like the songs from movies. Exactly the opposite. I feel that the songs used in films have their place, and when used correctly they add a whole new dimension to the movie. But when you take that song out of its context, dress it up into something it’s not and then parade it around for everyone to see you are insulting the songwriter, the performer and the viewing audience.

This column might feel a tad late, since last year’s producers did not have Best Song performances in the show. But I’ve been putting up with such bad performances for so many years, I just hope this year’s producers (who are different from last year) learned the lesson and won’t have anyone singing “If I Rise” from 127 Hours, because the last thing I need while eating my Mike and Ikes while watching the Oscars is to be reminded about a guy cutting off his own arm through a 3 minute song performed by a woman in a $25,000 dress.

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